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We Expect Too Much From Our Romantic Partners

Tall, dark, handsome, funny, kind, great with kids, six-figure salary, a harsh but fair critic of my creative output . the list of things people want from their spouses and partners has grown substantially in recent decades. So argues Eli Finkel, a professor of social psychology at Northwestern University in his new book, The All-or-Nothing Marriage.

As Finkel explains, it’s no longer enough for a modern marriage to simply provide a second pair of strong hands to help tend the homestead, or even just a nice-enough person who happens to be from the same neighborhood. Instead, people are increasingly seeking self-actualization within their marriages, expecting their partner to be all things to them. Unfortunately, that only seems to work if you’re an Olympic swimmer whose own husband is her brusque coach. Other couples might find that career-oriented criticism isn’t the best thing to hear from the father of your 4-year-old. Or, conversely, a violinist might simply have a hard time finding a skilled conductor-who also loves dogs and long walks on the beach-on Tinder.

I recently spoke with Finkel about how to balance this blend of expectations and challenges in a modern relationship. A lightly edited and condensed version of our conversation follows.

Eli Finkel: The main change has been that we’ve added, on top of the expectation that we’re going to love and cherish our spouse, the expectation that our spouse will help us grow, help us become a better version of ourselves, a more authentic version of ourselves. 続きを読む

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: Robert Downey Jr. and Susan Downey celebrate their 10th anniversary

“A perfect 10. Happy Anniversary, Mrs. Downey,” he wrote next to a photo of them standing on a beach wearing black shirts and sunglasses.

: Robert Downey Jr. and Susan Downey’s Dolittle premieres

Robert and Susan worked together again on the Team Downey production Dolittle, which premiered in . Robert played the title character, Dr. Dolittle, a man who can speak to animals.

“It was fun to pick something that our kids could see,” Susan told Extra during a joint interview with her husband. “Because even though he’s let our son see the Marvel movies – certain ones – they weren’t able to see any of the movies that we’ve worked on.”

“We don’t like going too long without having an extremely difficult project together, whether it’s a movie or a kid,” Robert said, to which Susan quipped, “Or a house.”

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Jerrod Carmichael fell for his friend Tyler, the Creator and things got weird: ’1 out of 10, don’t recommend’

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In the premiere of The Jerrod Carmichael Reality Show, which arrived this weekend, the comedian reveals that he developed a crush on his “best friend” Tyler, the Creator. He eventually confessed his feelings to the rapper via text. 続きを読む

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